With Anna Paquin's narrow miss of two Golden Globe's recently, I feel that it's time for me to discuss in great detail my acting career thus far. Actually it won't be in great detail but only because I can't remember that far back. It will, however, start at the beginning...So, my friends, here is a rant about School Plays...

My, and I'm sure many other people's first acting role was one in the Nativity Play. There are many great characters to play in the Nativity. One of the Wisemen, for example, is a great compliment to a child of such a young age. The angel, while never a role I aspired to, would also be a privilege as the angel is so important to the story. Joseph and Mary are of coarse central to the play and I've even heard of someone's baby brother playing Baby Jesus. It doesn't get much better than that. I, however, never landed those meaty parts as I inevitably played one of the dishcloth-wearing Shepherds.

(That's me in the middle...the other two will remain unnamed. They know who they are.)

Now the Shepherd is not a particularly stretching role to play. Just a lot of standing and pointing. In fact, I think after the first scene most of us (because there were loads of Shepherds; anyone who was left after the main cast was thrown a sheet and a towel and told to stand in a group to the side) were not seen or heard again. Partly due to the fact that we got tired and sat down.

Then I landed my next part in a play that I cannot remember the title or story of at all! I guess those early ones were mainly about songs and getting everyone in the grade (or 'standard' back then) on stage for a couple seconds at least. Well I got a whole song's worth of stage time. Unfortunately, I was the main part in the incredible "My Grandfather's Clock" scene. Yes. I was the Grandfather's Clock of which the other actors sung. This involved me standing centre stage with a cereal box covering my face and swinging my arm back and forth like a chime. Then I walked off. Again, not ideal.

The next year saw two standards (or 'grades' nowadays) combining to put on a musical spectacular to the theme of 'Colour's of the Rainbow'. It was a feast for the eyes! There were seven large groups, each assigned a colour, positioned across the stage and songs about those colours were sung accordingly. A couple of decent talking parts but on the whole, everyone was equally endowed with acting and dancing. Not me. I was far off to the side, not even on the stage, with the junior choir. I guess in hindsight that's a pretty cool place for me to be. At least it saved me the chance of being one of those kids whose dance partner happened to be sick for a performance but was still out there waltzing by themselves. Very embarrassing.

Then the big one! Grade 7! A daring play entitled 'Not the Rocky Horror Picture Show'! This is what I'd been waiting for! (And before you ask...it was changed drastically from the original. Frankenfurter, for example, sang about being a 'sweet, sweet scientist'.) Deviance from the cult classic aside, this was a great play and I needed a great part. So I auditioned in front of the entire grade, reading Shakespeare's To Be or Not To Be sonnet. I ended up as a party guest. Party Guest #19 to be specific.

But it's not all bad. In High School I was given a part of a T-Bird in the Bergvliet High School performance of Grease. Unfortunately, all of the actual T-Bird roles were already assigned and I ended up as Dwight - The imaginary T-Bird whose lines were invented in rehearsal. Rama Lama Lama. (Below - My close up)

But I will persevere. I will act again. Someday soon I hope. And I think it might be best if I just play myself...

Thank you,

Dyl Streep.