The more observant of you will realise that the FIFA World Cup starts today.  If you fall into the category of South Africans that are unaware of this event, you’re probably also still wondering what exactly happened at Ellis Park in 1995, and why our flag seems to have gotten a lot more colourful since 1994.

Before everything kicks off later today, let’s take a look at how we got there...

Africa was chosen to host the 2010 World Cup, and five African nations placed bids to be the host countries.  Libya tried co-hosting it with Tunisia, but it was a World Cup and not some casual joint birthday party, so FIFA disallowed co-hosting.  Tunisia withdrew, and Libya’s attempt to go solo was a bit like Michelle Williams after Destiny’s Child.

After a round of voting, the results were announced on the 15th May 2004: Egypt had no votes – probably because people didn’t like the prospect of demolishing pyramids to create stadiums – after all, if horror movies have taught us anything, that’s a sure way to get a curse.  Morocco had ten votes, but it was later revealed that a large number of voters thought they were voting for their favourite type of coffee.  South Africa won with fourteen, which was a surprise to many, because it was the first time the words ‘soccer, ‘won’ and ‘South Africa’ had been used in a sentence.

And thus the countdown began.  Well at Mc Donalds anyways.

In 2006 and 2007 rumours began to circulate that the World Cup was going to move to another country because FIFA were worried about South Africa’s planning, organisation and just the general pace of preparations.  The concern was probably catalysed when FIFA executives ventured into Cape Town and spotted two unfinished bridges that seemed to serve the only purpose of sending unsuspecting cars plummeting to their deaths.  Panic increased when they discovered those bridges had been there before Cape Town had been announced as a host city.

At the end of 2007 the qualified teams were revealed, and the less clued up South African supporters all took a sigh of relief when they realised that because we were hosting, we were actually going to be able to play at our own party.  Despite being a World Cup, it should be noted that hardly any African and Asian soccer teams managed to qualify, but hey, maybe that's because Africa and Asia are pretty small continents?

Five new stadiums were built for the event, and four stadiums were upgraded.  Cape Town’s stadium needed a name, and the public was asked to propose names for the new stadium, which resulted in Cape Town’s stadium receiving the incredibly creative name of ‘Cape Town Stadium’.  Public transport was also upgraded for the event, which means Metrorail will now only be going on strike every second week during the World Cup.  But don’t worry, they’ll be back to weekly strikes when the World Cup is over.

The official song for the 2010 FIFA World Cup is ‘Waka Waka’, which is also the catch phrase of Fozzie Bear from the Muppets.  Unfortunately Fozzie Bear was not selected to sing the song, but instead the lead duties were given to someone far more African, the Colombian singer Shakira.  The official mascot is Zakumi – an anthropomorphised leopard with green hair, or if you look more closely, a small boy with liver spots and green hair.  The official dance is the Diski Dance – aka the African Macerena.

The unofficial instrument of the world cup seems to be the Vuvuzela, which is used to show support and unity by emulating an elephant with tourette’s.  Apparently they can burst someone’s eardrum, which means if you ever want to play a prank on someone who is watching an eclipse, steal their glasses, blow a Vuvuzela in their ear, and ta-daa – Helen Keller.

At one stage people were trying to rally support to ban Vuvuzela’s from stadiums, but the President of FIFA, Sepp Blatter, opposed the notion saying "We should not try to Europeanise an African World Cup."  And rightfully so, the potential annoyance they cause should in no way be allowed to undermine the sense of unity they have come to stand for.  If you don’t want to wear ear plugs, then please don’t mind me as I put ear plugs in whilst you complain to me about them.

It has been a long and interesting journey to the 2010 FIFA World Cup, but today it’s finally here.  If you’re lucky enough to be in South Africa, look around you - this is not just about soccer.  As a broken nation we often find it hard to come together and get behind something, and these moments of national community and unity are few and far between.  Don’t miss out on the bigger picture – get out your Vuvuzela’s, your ear plugs, or both – today we have a reason for being Proudly South Africa, so let’s make South Africa proud!

The Brothers Streep wish Bafana Bafana all the best on their World Cup journey!