It's time to learn more about hiccups.  According to Wikipedia, it's pronounced 'hɪkʌp', but considering I don't read Russian, I'm not sure how that's meant to help.

Hiccups have only been around since the 1800s.  Before hiccups existed, everyone just used to get on with life, uninterrupted by the spasmodic contraction of the diaphragm.  The shift from a world without hiccups, to the current hiccupian society we live in today, is seen by many, especially Al Gore, to be the result of Global Yawning.

Views on the origins and causes of hiccups do differ though:

Christian Straus proposed in his 2003 paper, 'A phylogenetic hypothesis for the origin of hiccough', that the hiccup is an evolutionary remnant of earlier amphibian respiration.

Jewish Straus, his brother, disagrees.

There are many different methods you can use to rid yourself of hiccups, but to save time, I will only touch on three: Holding your breath, the water method and looking at an object.

Holding your breath
1. Take a deep breathe.
2. Hold for as long as you can.
3. If you are struggling to hold your breathe, tape up your mouth and nose with masking tape.  Or alternatively, get your friend to smother you with a pillow.
4. Eventually you will pass out from suffocation - when you re-awake, your hiccups should be gone.

Water method
1. Fill a glass with water.
2. Drink all the water without stopping.
3. Fill the glass again.
4. Drink all the water without stopping.
5. Repeat these steps until you pass out.
6. When you re-awake needing to go to the bathroom, your hiccups should be gone.

Looking at an object
1. Divert your attention towards any object.
2. Keep concentrating on the object.
3. Whilst you're distracted, get a friend to cut your head off.